Coming Out and Outcomes: Negotiating Lesbian and Gay Identities With, and in, the Family

Abstract

In late modernity there has been a shift in the ways that individuals relate to society, in which traditional ideas, expectations, and hierarchies are being reworked. Released from the constraints and social norms of tradition, individuals, it is argued, are now freer to choose between a range of options in the pursuit of their own happiness. Notably, these social changes have been understood to provide more opportunities for lesbians and gay men to ‘come out’—disclose their sexuality and live the lifestyle of their choice. Coming out is often implicitly discussed in academic literatures as an individual decision, and the consequences of coming out are also usually explored in relation to the personal narratives of the individual who has disclosed a lesbian and gay sexuality. To date, little attention has been paid to the actual processes through which sexual dissidents negotiate their identities with others, and to the consequences of such disclosures for those who are close to them or share their lives in various ways. In this paper we address this omission by focusing on young people's experiences of coming out with, and in, families of origin. We begin by examining what is at stake in the decision whether to come out or not by examining the role that families of origin play in young people's lives. We then explore how the process of coming out is actually negotiated within different families. Finally, we consider the ‘outcomes’ of these choices. In doing so we contribute to research on geographies of sexualities, geographies of the ‘family’, youth transitions, and the emerging field of social studies of emotions.