The Autonomous-Relational Self

Abstract

Autonomy is often construed as separateness from others and is seen to result from a separation-individuation process. However, it is neither logically nor psychologically necessary for autonomy to imply separateness if the existence of the two different dimensions of agency and interpersonal distance are recognized. The two poles of the agency dimension are autonomy and heteronomy; those of the interpersonal distance dimension are separateness and relatedness. The two dimensions are confused when agency is pitted against relatedness. Different family interaction models are examined here in terms of childrearing patterns and the resultant types of (developing) selves. One of these, the autonomous-relational self, is suggested in this article to be a healthy synthesis of the two basic human needs for agency and relatedness. It tends to develop in the family model of emotional interdependence involving authoritative parenting. This family model and self constellation, which are supported by research evidence, involve a different set of theories than are traditionally found in psychology. This conceptualization synthesizes some apparently conflicting patterns of interpersonal relations and the self. It may serve as a corrective to the pervasive emphasis in psychology on individual autonomy at the cost of human relatedness.