What Helps Couples Rebuild Their Relationship After Infidelity?
Abstract
Despite infidelity being a highly traumatic experience, not all couples end their relationship after discovery of the affair. The present study provides insights into the experience of couples who remained together after having experienced infidelity by one partner. Narrative inquiry methods were used to undertake and analyze in-depth interviews with eligible participants from eastern Australia who responded to advertisements. The key themes acknowledged by participants as reasons for maintaining the relationship were motivation to stay together, treasuring acts of kindness, meaning making, and social support. However, the reconciliation process was tortuous and involved forgiveness, seeking counseling, managing memories, vicarious learning, and changing couple dynamics. In rebuilding the relationship, a modification often took place, resulting in a shift in the power dynamic. The article outlines professional considerations for counselors and other therapists in relation to professional practice.
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Rebuilding trust is usually a slow, non-linear process requiring concerted effort from both partners.
“This is, usually, a slow process which requires a concerted effort on the part of both partners, which is often not linear [104].”
From Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences (2023) · cites this paper as [104]
During the pandemic, couples' access to healthcare resources and social support was more restricted, making it more difficult to address the emotional injury caused by an affair.
“During that time, the couple’s access to healthcare resources and social support, such as their friends and confidants, was more restricted; thus, addressing the emotional injury that an affair caused was much more difficult [104].”
From Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences (2023) · cites this paper as [104]
It is common for couples to take a break from each other after affair discovery.
“Additionally, while it is common for couples to take a break from each other (either by spending more time apart, or even moving to a different house for a period) after the discovery of an affair, the pandemic made such a break impossible due to strict rules related to social distancing. This may have seriously disturbed the healing time that such a separation provided [104].”
From Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences (2023) · cites this paper as [104]
The pandemic made such a break impossible due to social distancing rules.
“Additionally, while it is common for couples to take a break from each other (either by spending more time apart, or even moving to a different house for a period) after the discovery of an affair, the pandemic made such a break impossible due to strict rules related to social distancing. This may have seriously disturbed the healing time that such a separation provided [104].”
From Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences (2023) · cites this paper as [104]
The pandemic may have seriously disturbed the healing time that separation provided.
“Additionally, while it is common for couples to take a break from each other (either by spending more time apart, or even moving to a different house for a period) after the discovery of an affair, the pandemic made such a break impossible due to strict rules related to social distancing. This may have seriously disturbed the healing time that such a separation provided [104].”
From Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences (2023) · cites this paper as [104]
Cites
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Crozier, G., Denzin, N., & Lincoln, Y. (1994) · British Journal of Educational Studies · doi:10.2307/3121684 · Cited by 26,636 · see citing works
Narrative configuration in qualitative analysis
Polkinghorne, D. E. (1995) · International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education · doi:10.1080/0951839950080103 · Cited by 3,958 · see citing works
Methodological rigour within a qualitative framework
Tobin, G. A., & Begley, C. M. (2004) · Journal of Advanced Nursing · doi:10.1111/j.1365-2648.2004.03207.x · Cited by 1,601 · see citing works
Qualitative Research in Counselling and Psychotherapy
McLeod, J. (2001) · doi:10.4135/9781849209663 · Cited by 1,166 · cited 2× · see citing works
“A narrative approach to interviewing and analysis was thus adopted to investigate the storied experiences of living and coping with infidelity using the informant’s own voice (McLeod, 2001).”
BackgroundMethodAn Integrative Intervention for Promoting Recovery From Extramarital Affairs
Gordon, K. C., Baucom, D. H., & Snyder, D. K. (2004) · Journal of Marital and Family Therapy · doi:10.1111/j.1752-0606.2004.tb01235.x · Cited by 253 · cited 5× · see citing works
“The informants in this study did experience the three-stage forgiveness model as proposed by Gordon et al. (2004), whereby they had to deal with the impact of infidelity, explore and find meaning, and then move on.”
BackgroundInfluentialSexual and Romantic Jealousy in Heterosexual and Homosexual Adults
Harris, C. R. (2002) · Psychological Science · doi:10.1111/1467-9280.00402 · Cited by 189 · see citing works
Infidelity and Behavioral Couple Therapy: Optimism in the Face of Betrayal.
Atkins, D. C., Eldridge, K. A., Baucom, D. H., & Christensen, A. (2005) · Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology · doi:10.1037/0022-006x.73.1.144 · Cited by 113 · see citing works
Outcomes of couples with infidelity in a community-based sample of couple therapy
Atkins, D. C., Marín, R. A., Lo, T. T. Y., Klann, N., & Hahlweg, K. (2010) · Journal of Family Psychology · doi:10.1037/a0018789 · Cited by 47 · see citing works
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Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences
Rokach, A., & Chan, S. H. (2023) · International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health · doi:10.3390/ijerph20053904 · Cited by 77 · see citing works
“This may have seriously disturbed the healing time that such a separation provided [104].”
BackgroundInfluentialIs romantic partner betrayal a form of traumatic experience? A qualitative study
Lonergan, M., Brunet, A., Rivest‐Beauregard, M., & Groleau, D. (2021) · Stress and Health · doi:10.1002/smi.2968 · Cited by 31 · see citing works
- Authors
- Abrahamson, I., Hussain, R., Khan, A., & Schofield, M. J.
- Affiliations
- University of New England (AU)
- La Trobe University (AU)
- Venue
- Journal of Family Issues
- Publisher
- SAGE Publications
- Published
- 2011-10-21
- Volume
- 33
- Issue
- 11
- Pages
- 1494-1519
- ISSN
- 0192-513X (ISSN-L)
- 1552-5481
- OpenAlex
- W2144866622
- Cited by
- 61
- References
- 8
- Citations by year
- 2026: 4 · 2025: 8 · 2023: 6 · 2022: 5 · 2021: 9 · 2020: 9 · 2019: 2 · 2018: 3 · 2017: 3 · 2016: 3 · 2015: 5 · 2014: 3 · 2013: 1
- FWCI
- 1.75
- Type
- journal article
- Language
- en
- Open access
- closed
- Locations
- Journal of Family Issues (publishedVersion)
- RUNE (Research UNE) (submittedVersion)
- Topics
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Social Psychology › Forgiveness and Related Behaviors
- Social Sciences › Sociology and Political Science › Marriage and Sexual Relationships
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Social Psychology › Attachment and Relationship Dynamics
- Keywords
- infidelity, couples, relationship repair, reconciliation, meaning-making, social support, forgiveness, counseling, power relations, couple dynamics, observational learning, memory management
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