Buffering attachment-related avoidance: Softening emotional and behavioral defenses during conflict discussions.
Abstract
This study examined whether partners can soften the defenses associated with attachment-related avoidance. Heterosexual couples (N = 180) were video-recorded having 2 discussions in which 1 partner (the agent of influence) wanted the other partner (the target of influence) to change in some way. After rating how successful the discussion was in producing change, agents and targets reviewed their discussions. At the end of every 30 s of the interaction, they reported how angry they were during that portion of the discussion. For each 30-s interval, objective coders rated the extent to which targets of influence exhibited withdrawal and agents of influence (partners) softened their influence by being sensitive to targets' autonomy needs and by conveying that targets were valued. As predicted, avoidant targets showed greater anger and withdrawal when they were the target of their partner's influence, and these defensive reactions were associated with less successful discussions. However, analyzing within-person changes in emotions and behavior across the discussion revealed that avoidant targets' anger and withdrawal were attenuated at points during the discussion when their partners exhibited higher levels of softening communication. Between-person analyses comparing average levels of anger and partner softening across dyads also revealed that avoidant targets whose partners engaged in more softening experienced less anger and, in turn, couples' discussions were more successful. These results highlight the importance of dyadic processes in understanding the impact of attachment insecurity on relationships, and indicate that partners can buffer avoidant defenses by down-regulating anger and circumventing withdrawal during conflict discussions.
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Such affirming gestures seem especially beneficial for people who feel insecure in their relationships.
“Such affirming gestures seem especially beneficial for people who feel insecure in their relationships”
From The Psychology of Change: Self-Affirmation and Social Psychological Intervention (2014) · cites this paper as Overall et al. 2013
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Mikulincer, M., Shaver, P. R., & Gal, I. (2021) · Wiley eBooks · doi:10.1002/9781119576457.ch3 · Cited by 27 · see citing works
Motivation in a Social Context
Ayelet Fishbach, B., Steinmetz, J., & Tu, Y. (2016) · Advances in motivation science · doi:10.1016/bs.adms.2015.12.005 · Cited by 21 · see citing works
Withdrawal, attachment security, and recovery from conflict in couple relationships
Prager, K. J., Poucher, J. W., Shirvani, F. K., Parsons, J. A., & Allam, Z. (2017) · Journal of Social and Personal Relationships · doi:10.1177/0265407517737387 · Cited by 21 · see citing works
Is it really “all in their heads”? How self‐esteem predicts partner responsiveness
Cortes, K., & Wood, J. V. (2018) · Journal of Personality · doi:10.1111/jopy.12370 · Cited by 21 · see citing works
Sasaki, E., Overall, N. C., Reis, H. T., Righetti, F., Chang, V. T., Low, R. S. T., Henderson, A. M. E., McRae, C. S., Cross, E. J., Jayamaha, S. D., et al. (2023) · Journal of Personality and Social Psychology · doi:10.1037/pspi0000419 · Cited by 19 · see citing works
Self-citationTrombetta, T., Balocco, V., Santoniccolo, F., Paradiso, M. N., & Rollè, L. (2023) · International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health · doi:10.3390/ijerph20021593 · Cited by 17 · see citing works
Peters, B. J., Overall, N. C., Girme, Y. U., & Jamieson, J. P. (2017) · Journal of Social and Personal Relationships · doi:10.1177/0265407517734655 · Cited by 17 · see citing works
Self-citationThe power of diagnostic situations: how support and conflict can foster growth and security
Overall, N. C., Girme, Y. U., & Simpson, J. A. (2016) · Cambridge University Press eBooks · doi:10.1017/cbo9781316212653.008 · Cited by 16 · see citing works
Self-citationAttachment Insecurity and the Regulation of Power and Dependence in Intimate Relationships
Overall, N. C., & Cross, E. J. (2019) · Cambridge University Press eBooks · doi:10.1017/9781108131490.003 · Cited by 15 · see citing works
Self-citationBretaña, I., Alonso‐Arbiol, I., Recio, P., & Molero, F. J. (2022) · Frontiers in Psychology · doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.794942 · Cited by 15 · see citing works
Coyne, A. E., Constantino, M. J., Ravitz, P., & McBride, C. (2017) · Journal of Psychotherapy Integration · doi:10.1037/int0000074 · Cited by 15 · see citing works
Crenshaw, A. O., Leo, K., Christensen, A., Hogan, J. N., Baucom, K. J. W., & Baucom, B. (2020) · Journal of Family Psychology · doi:10.1037/fam0000782 · Cited by 15 · see citing works
Don, B. P., Fredrickson, B. L., & Algoe, S. B. (2020) · Journal of Personality and Social Psychology · doi:10.1037/pspi0000312 · Cited by 15 · see citing works
Argument Beliefs Mediate Relations Between Attachment Style and Conflict Tactics
Ricco, R., & Sierra, A. (2017) · Journal of Counseling & Development · doi:10.1002/jcad.12128 · Cited by 15 · see citing works
Relationship Functioning During COVID-19 QuarantinePreprint
Overall, N. C., Chang, V. T., Pietromonaco, P. R., Low, R. S. T., & Henderson, A. M. E. (2020) · doi:10.31234/osf.io/7cvdm · Cited by 15 · see citing works
Self-citationRelationship satisfaction during COVID ‐19: The role of partners' perceived support and attachment
Bar‐Shachar, Y., Lopata, S., & Bar‐Kalifa, E. (2022) · Family Relations · doi:10.1111/fare.12767 · Cited by 13 · see citing works
Vedelago, L., Balzarini, R., Fitzpatrick, S., & Muise, A. (2022) · Journal of Social and Personal Relationships · doi:10.1177/02654075221133575 · Cited by 13 · see citing works
Attachment insecurity and power regulation in intimate relationships
Overall, N. C. (2018) · Current Opinion in Psychology · doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.03.004 · Cited by 14 · see citing works
Self-citationAttachment Security Enhancement Model: Bolstering Attachment Security Through Close Relationships
Kumashiro, M., & Arriaga, X. B. (2020) · Springer eBooks · doi:10.1007/978-3-030-43747-3_5 · Cited by 13 · see citing works
Agents' self‐esteem moderates the effectiveness of negative‐direct partner regulation strategies
Jayamaha, S. D., & Overall, N. C. (2015) · Personal Relationships · doi:10.1111/pere.12108 · Cited by 12 · see citing works
Self-citationInterpersonal manifestations of attachment avoidance: The moderating role of impostorism
Bachem, R., Mikulincer, M., & Solomon, Z. (2019) · Personality and Individual Differences · doi:10.1016/j.paid.2019.109669 · Cited by 12 · see citing works
Feeling Appreciated Predicts Prosocial Motivation in Avoidantly Attached Individuals
Schrage, K. M., Le, B. M., Stellar, J., & Impett, E. A. (2022) · Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin · doi:10.1177/01461672221122515 · Cited by 9 · see citing works
Tie-Up Cycles in Long-Term Mating. Part I: Theory
Basili, L. L., & Sacco, P. L. (2016) · Challenges · doi:10.3390/challe7010012 · Cited by 9 · see citing works
Girme, Y. U., & Overall, N. C. (2023) · Journal of Social and Personal Relationships · doi:10.1177/02654075231162390 · Cited by 9 · see citing works
Self-citationO papel preditor dos estilos de apego na resolução do conflito conjugal
Scheeren, P. A., Delatorre, M. Z., Neumann, A. P., & Wagner, A. (2015) · Estudos e Pesquisas em Psicologia · doi:10.12957/epp.2015.19415 · Cited by 9 · see citing works
Zhu, W., Wang, C. D. C., Jin, L., & Lu, T. R. (2020) · Journal of Social and Personal Relationships · doi:10.1177/0265407520963954 · Cited by 9 · see citing works
Carer burden and dyadic attachment orientations in adult children-older parent dyads
Romano, D. A., Karantzas, G. C., Marshall, E. M., Simpson, J. A., Feeney, J. A., McCabe, M. P., Lee, J., & Mullins, E. R. (2020) · Archives of Gerontology and Geriatrics · doi:10.1016/j.archger.2020.104170 · Cited by 8 · see citing works
Self-citationConstructive conflict resolution requires tailored responsiveness to specific needs
Sasaki, E., & Overall, N. C. (2023) · Current Opinion in Psychology · doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2023.101638 · Cited by 8 · see citing works
Self-citationFostering Attachment Security: The Role of Interdependent Situations
Righetti, F., Balliet, D. P., Molho, C., Columbus, S., Faure, R., Bahar, Y., Iqmal, M., Semenchenko, A., & Arriaga, X. B. (2020) · International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health · doi:10.3390/ijerph17207648 · Cited by 8 · see citing works
Seedall, R. B., & Wampler, K. S. (2023) · Journal of Marital and Family Therapy · doi:10.1111/jmft.12684 · Cited by 7 · see citing works
Hocking, E., Simons, R. M., Simons, J., & Freeman, H. (2018) · The American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse · doi:10.1080/00952990.2017.1344682 · Cited by 7 · see citing works
Theoretical Boundary Conditions of Partner Buffering in Romantic Relationships
Eller, J., & Simpson, J. A. (2020) · International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health · doi:10.3390/ijerph17186880 · Cited by 7 · see citing works
Self-citationKörner, R., Overall, N. C., Chang, V. T., Hammond, M. D., Sasaki, E., Schütz, A., & Zverling, E. (2025) · Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin · doi:10.1177/01461672251333165 · Cited by 6 · see citing works
Self-citationInsecure attachment may not hamper relationships: a dyadic fit perspective
Wang, K., Li, F., Xu, J., Chen, S., & Zhou, M. (2022) · Current Psychology · doi:10.1007/s12144-022-04005-x · Cited by 6 · see citing works
Lee, J., & Feinberg, M. E. (2025) · Family Process · doi:10.1111/famp.70009 · Cited by 5 · see citing works
Who’s the boss? How and when process power moderates partner regulation of attachment defenses
Haydon, K. C., Woronzoff-Dashkoff, A., & Murphy, K. (2020) · Journal of Social and Personal Relationships · doi:10.1177/0265407519900013 · Cited by 5 · see citing works
Li, S., Liu, J., & Chen, X. (2023) · Journal of Happiness Studies · doi:10.1007/s10902-023-00699-3 · Cited by 5 · see citing works
Richardson, E. N., Beath, A., & Boag, S. (2024) · Journal of Personality Assessment · doi:10.1080/00223891.2024.2353142 · Cited by 5 · see citing works
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A theoretical analysis and empirical agenda for understanding the socioecology of adult attachment
Selçuk, E., Ascigil, E., & Günaydın, G. (2024) · European Review of Social Psychology · doi:10.1080/10463283.2024.2367894 · Cited by 4 · see citing works
Interpersonal regulation of relationship partners’ security: A causal chain analysis
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Attachment and Other Emotion‐Based Systemic Approaches
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Farooq, Z., Akhtar, N., & Zacchilli, T. L. (2024) · Interpersona An International Journal on Personal Relationships · doi:10.5964/ijpr.12555 · Cited by 3 · see citing works
Haydon, K. C., & Groh, A. M. (2024) · Attachment & Human Development · doi:10.1080/14616734.2024.2367329 · Cited by 3 · see citing works
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Partner Buffering in Interdependent Relationships
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Self-citationRomantic Relationships during a Global Pandemic
Pietromonaco, P. R., & Overall, N. C. (2023) · Cambridge University Press eBooks · doi:10.1017/9781009158657.013 · Cited by 2 · see citing works
Self-citationBarriers to comforting: Couples' attachment and emotional reactivity in a German sample
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- Authors
- Overall, N. C., Simpson, J. A., & Struthers, H.
- Affiliations
- University of Auckland (NZ)
- University of Minnesota (US)
- Venue
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
- Published
- 2013-05
- Volume
- 104
- Issue
- 5
- Pages
- 854-871
- ISSN
- 0022-3514 (ISSN-L)
- 1939-1315
- OpenAlex
- W2097228611
- Cited by
- 152
- References
- 67
- Citations by year
- 2026: 10 · 2025: 14 · 2024: 10 · 2023: 14 · 2022: 8 · 2021: 9 · 2020: 26 · 2019: 9 · 2018: 8 · 2017: 13 · 2016: 15 · 2015: 7 · 2014: 6 · 2013: 3
- FWCI
- 15.48
- Type
- journal article
- Language
- en
- Open access
- closed
- Locations
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (publishedVersion)
- PubMed (publishedVersion)
- Funders
- Royal Society of New Zealand (UOA0811)
- University of Auckland (3626244)
- Topics
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Social Psychology › Attachment and Relationship Dynamics
- Social Sciences › Sociology and Political Science › Marriage and Sexual Relationships
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Social Psychology › Death Anxiety and Social Exclusion
- Keywords
- attachment avoidance, insecure attachment, conflict discussions, anger, withdrawal, defensive behavior, need for autonomy, partner influence, couple relationships, dyadic processes
- MeSH terms
- Adolescent, Adult, Anger, Communication, Conflict, Psychological, Defense Mechanisms, Emotions, Female, Humans, Interpersonal Relations, Male, Marriage, Middle Aged, Object Attachment, Personal Autonomy, Young Adult
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