Tempting Fate or Inviting Happiness?: Unrealistic Idealization Prevents the Decline of Marital Satisfaction
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This article examines whether unrealistically viewing a romantic partner as resembling one’s ideal partner accelerates or slows declines in marital satisfaction among newlyweds. A longitudinal study linked unrealistic idealization at the time of marriage to changes in satisfaction over the first 3 years of marriage. Overall, satisfaction declined markedly, a finding that is consistent with past research. However, seeing a less-than-ideal partner as a reflection of one’s ideals predicted a certain level of protection against the corrosive effects of time: People who initially idealized their partner the most experienced no decline in satisfaction. The benefits of idealization remained in analyses that controlled separately for the positivity of partner perceptions and the possibility that better adjusted people might be in better relationships.
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An oxytocin-mediated positive bias toward the partner may be adaptive and serve as a long-term resilience factor, since idealization predicts sustained marital satisfaction over the first three years.
“An OXT-mediated positive bias in the perception of the female partner can be adaptive and may serve as a long-term resilience factor because such idealization can predict sustained relationship satisfaction over the first 3 y of marriage (34).”
From Oxytocin enhances brain reward system responses in men viewing the face of their female partner (2013) · cites this paper as [34]
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Johnson, J. A., & Laidler, D. (2020) · Personality and Individual Differences · doi:10.1016/j.paid.2020.109919 · Cited by 3 · see citing works
Accuracy and Bias of Trait Judgments in Romantic Relationships
Luo, S., & Watson, D. (2019) · Oxford University Press eBooks · doi:10.1093/oxfordhb/9780190912529.013.17 · Cited by 2 · see citing works
Extra-dyadic sexual fantasies involving idealized figures and regard for current partners
Rainville, C. (2019) · Sexual & Relationship Therapy · doi:10.1080/14681994.2019.1659950 · Cited by 2 · see citing works
Attributions, Forgiveness, and Gratitude as Relationship Maintenance Processes
McNulty, J. K., & Dugas, A. (2019) · Cambridge University Press eBooks · doi:10.1017/9781108304320.008 · Cited by 2 · see citing works
Trajectories of perceived superiority across the transition to marriage
Parise, M., Donato, S., Pagani, A. F., Bertoni, A., Iafrate, R., & Schoebi, D. (2019) · The Journal of Social Psychology · doi:10.1080/00224545.2019.1704542 · Cited by 2 · see citing works
Ben‐Ze’ev, A. (2024) · Topoi · doi:10.1007/s11245-024-10052-9 · Cited by 2 · see citing works
I'm not all that: a look at the imposter phenomenon in intimate relationships
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Partner-Idealization and Marital Satisfaction: The Mediating Role of Communication Patterns
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No need for pedestals: Idealization does not predict better relationships among Asians
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Relationship Dynamics and Healthy Exchange across the Family Life Cycle: Implications for Practice
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- Authors
- Murray, S. L., Griffin, D. W., Derrick, J. L., Harris, B., Aloni, M., & Leder, S.
- Affiliations
- Department of Psychology, University at Buffalo, The State University of New York
- University of British Columbia (CA)
- University at Buffalo, State University of New York (US)
- Venue
- Psychological Science
- Publisher
- SAGE Publications
- Published
- 2011-04-05
- Volume
- 22
- Issue
- 5
- Pages
- 619-626
- ISSN
- 0956-7976 (ISSN-L)
- 1467-9280
- PMC
- PMC4094166
- OpenAlex
- W2112402760
- Cited by
- 93
- References
- 45
- Citations by year
- 2026: 3 · 2025: 3 · 2024: 2 · 2023: 3 · 2022: 10 · 2021: 6 · 2020: 3 · 2019: 10 · 2018: 7 · 2017: 6 · 2016: 11 · 2015: 10 · 2014: 8 · 2013: 9 · 2012: 1
- FWCI
- 8.29
- Type
- journal article
- Language
- en
- Open access
- green
- www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- Locations
- Psychological Science (publishedVersion)
- PubMed (publishedVersion)
- Europe PMC (PubMed Central) (acceptedVersion)
- PubMed Central (acceptedVersion)
- Funders
- National Institute of Mental Health (R01MH060105)
- Topics
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Social Psychology › Attachment and Relationship Dynamics
- Social Sciences › Demography › Family Dynamics and Relationships
- Social Sciences › Sociology and Political Science › Marriage and Sexual Relationships
- Keywords
- romantic idealization, marital satisfaction, newlyweds, ideal partner, relationship adjustment, partner perceptions
- MeSH terms
- Adult, Female, Happiness, Humans, Illusions, Interpersonal Relations, Longitudinal Studies, Male, Marriage, Motivation, Personal Satisfaction, Social Perception, Spouses
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