The benefits of positive illusions: idealization and the construction of satisfaction in close relationships.
Abstract
It is proposed that satisfaction is associated with idealistic, rather than realistic, perceptions of one's partner. To provide baselines for assessing relationship illusions, both members of married and dat-ing heterosexual couples were asked to rate themselves and their partners on a variety of interper-sonal attributes. Participants also rated the typical and ideal partner on these attributes. Path analy-ses revealed that individuals ' impressions of their partners were more a mirror of their self-images and ideals than a reflection of their partners ' self-reported attributes. Overall, intimates saw their partners in a more positive light than their partners saw themselves. Furthermore, these idealized constructions predicted greater satisfaction. Individuals were happier in their relationships when they idealized their partners and their partners idealized them. Taken together, these results suggest that a certain degree of idealization or illusion may be a critical feature of satisfying dating and even marital relationships. In the case of love, realities model themselves enthusiastically on one's desires... it is the passion in which violent desire is most completely satisfied. (Beyle Stendhal, De L'Amour) As Stendhal's musings in De L'Amour illustrate, people im-
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Oxytocin has been shown to reduce anxiety and stress; boost trust, eye-contact, mind-reading, and empathy; heighten the availability of positive relationship memories; and improve social attention, recognition, appraisals, and encoding/retrieval of memories with social content.
“Specifically, oxytocin has been shown to reduce anxiety and stress [52-54]; boost trust [55-57**], eye-contact [58], mind-reading [59], and empathy [60]; heighten the availability of positive relationship memories [61, 62]; and improve social attention, recognition, and appraisals, as well as the encoding and retrieval of memories with social content [63**].”
From Could intranasal oxytocin be used to enhance relationships? Research imperatives, clinical policy, and ethical considerations (2013) · cites this paper as [53]
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- Authors
- Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W.
- Venue
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
- Published
- 1996-01
- Volume
- 70
- Issue
- 1
- Pages
- 79-98
- ISSN
- 0022-3514 (ISSN-L)
- 1939-1315
- OpenAlex
- W2020346973
- Cited by
- 1,134
- References
- 83
- Citations by year
- 2026: 24 · 2025: 19 · 2024: 29 · 2023: 30 · 2022: 47 · 2021: 26 · 2020: 47 · 2019: 82 · 2018: 49 · 2017: 37 · 2016: 47 · 2015: 53 · 2014: 56 · 2013: 44 · 2012: 62
- FWCI
- 43.76
- Type
- journal article
- Language
- en
- Open access
- closed
- Locations
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (publishedVersion)
- Topics
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Social Psychology › Attachment and Relationship Dynamics
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Clinical Psychology › Personality Traits and Psychology
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Experimental and Cognitive Psychology › Evolutionary Psychology and Human Behavior
- Keywords
- positive illusions, idealization, relationship satisfaction, close relationships, romantic relationships, marital relationships, dating relationships, self-image, interpersonal perception, partner perceptions
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Registry, retraction, Cites and statistics results are computed, not judged, with one exception: a printed reference that no index lists is read once by a model before it counts as a citation error. Claims are extracted by a model and kept only when their quote appears verbatim in the text; each cited source is then checked, with a model’s help, for whether it says what the claim relies on. Those verdicts can be wrong — read the claim’s quote and the cited source before relying on one.
Statistics and arithmetic are recomputed, not judged.
Confidence bands are shown only for fields calibrated on our annotated test set. None is calibrated yet, so no band is shown.
What counts as a claim ›How we measure confidence ›How we check this ›
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