Cited by 486Emotions and Moral BehaviorDeath Anxiety and Social ExclusionForgiveness and Related Behaviors

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The causes, phenomenology, and consequences of hurt feelings.

Leary, Mark R., Springer, Carrie, Negel, Laura, Ansell, Emily, Evans, Kelly·1998·Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

DOI 10.1037/0022-3514.74.5.1225

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Development and validation of brief measures of positive and negative affect: The PANAS scales.
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Self-esteem as an interpersonal monitor: The sociometer hypothesis
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Self-conscious emotions: The psychology of shame, guilt, embarrassment, and pride.
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“The stronger affective reactions endorsed by women suggested that the experience of sexual rejection may signal a “relational devaluation,” even in the context of presumably non-relational sex ( Leary et al. 1998 ).”
Background
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“Emotional implications could include hurt feelings and disappointment ( Leary, Springer, Negel, Ansell, & Evens, 1998 ).”
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“Although researchers have identified messages (Vangelisti, 1994) and events (Leary et al., 1998) that individuals see as hurtful, it is not clear whether these messages and events translate directly to the family environment.”
Background
Perceived social support reduces the pain of spending money
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“Exclusion is characterized by the appraisal of being devalued or disregarded by another individual [31], and a perceived decline in relational valuation and sense of interpersonal loss are associated with sadness [18].”
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Self-citation
Lay beliefs about the controllability of everyday mental states.
Cusimano, C., & Goodwin, G. P. (2019) · Journal of Experimental Psychology General · doi:10.1037/xge0000547 · Cited by 47
“Following previous autobiographical recall procedures (Leary et al., 1998), we asked subjects to write the initials of the target person who experienced the mental state or performed the behavior, and to provide that person’s sex, age, and relationship to the self at the time of the event, as well…”
Method
What students think when teachers get upset: Fundamental attribution error and student‐generated reasons for teacher anger
McPherson, M. B., & Young, S. L. (2004) · Communication Quarterly · doi:10.1080/01463370409370206 · Cited by 44
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Emotional experiences of ghosting
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“The recipients of ostracism experience emotions including hurt feelings (Feeney, 2004; Leary et al., 1998; Smart Richman & Leary, 2009), anger (Buckley et al., 2004; Chow et al., 2008; Tang & Richardson, 2013), and sadness (Buckley et al., 2004; Hawkley et al., 2011).”
Background
Not Forgiven, Not Forgotten: An Investigation of Unforgiven Interpersonal Offenses
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“The majority of participants in Macaskill‘s (2005a) study, for example, reported that forgiveness is only possible if (a) the victim is willing to compromise and able to understand the motivations and other causal forces behind the offender’s actions and (b) the offender apologizes, expresses signs of remorse, and dem…”
Background
Privacy Recalibration in Personal Relationships: Rule Usage Before and After an Incident of Privacy Turbulence
Steuber, K. R., & McLaren, R. M. (2015) · Communication Quarterly · doi:10.1080/01463373.2015.1039717 · Cited by 41
“To assess the positive and negative relational consequences that occurred because of the privacy turbulence, participants responded to four items from Leary et al. (1998) using a 7-point Likert-type scale (1¼ not at all true, 7¼ absolutely true).”
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Shifting frames in team-diversity research: From difference to relationships
Ely, R. J., & Roberts, L. M. (2008) · Cambridge University Press eBooks · doi:10.1017/cbo9780511753725.008 · Cited by 42
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“In addition, relationship qualities have been characterized as both a factor that influences hurt (e.g., Feeney, 2004) and a consequence of hurtful episodes (e.g., Leary et al., 1998).”
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Humble and apologetic? Predicting apology quality with intellectual and general humility
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“These instances included feeling socially excluded [1], ostracized [45,46], humiliated [17,33], betrayed [15], interpersonally devalued [23], and verbally abused (i.”
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Parenting Cognitions Associated with the Use of Psychological Control
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“Hurt is associated with various emotional reactions depending on features of the situation and the individual’s strategies for managing emotion (Leary et al., 2001; Leary, Springer, Negel, Ansell, & Evans, 1998 ).”
Background
Benefitting a few at the expense of many? Exclusive promotions and their impact on untargeted customers
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“This is further in line with the proposal that hurt feelings stem from relational devaluation (Leary et al., 1998; Leary & Springer, 2001; Vangelisti, 1994).”
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“Previous experimental research in support of the sociometer model largely focused on the impact of varying levels of overt social inclusion (or praise) and social exclusion (or derogation; e.g., Leary et al., 1998).”
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“…rejected (i.e., participants were told that someone else definitely did not want to work with them) or moderately rejected (i.e., participants were told that someone else somewhat did not want to work with them) did not differ significantly (Buckley et al., 2004, Study 1; Leary et al., 1998).”
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Making Sense of Hurtful Mother-in-law Messages: Applying Attribution Theory to the In-Law Triad
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“Psychological effects of ostracism have mainly been studied in psychological studies [2] including sadness [31], generalized hurt feelings [32], anger [33], shame [33], and emotional numbness [34].”
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BackgroundMethod
Social Rejection Can Reduce Pain and Increase Spending: Further Evidence That Money, Pain, and Belongingness Are Interrelated
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“This finding has direct relevance to social exclusion, as hurt feelings are considered a core emotional marker of social exclusion ( Leary, Springer, Negel, Ansell, & Evans, 1997 ).”
Background
Cultural Influences on the Causes and Experience of Hurt Feelings
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Cross-cultural models of mental hurt emotion clusters
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Leary, M. R., Koch, E. J., & Hechenbleikner, N. R. (2006) · Oxford University Press eBooks · doi:10.1093/acprof:oso/9780195130157.003.0006 · Cited by 38
Self-citation
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“Such actions represent personal or relational devaluation (Leary et al., 1998; Vangelisti & Young, 2000) and violate expectations that partners should be loyal and caring.”
Background
Effects of self- and partner’s online disclosure on relationship intimacy and satisfaction
Lee, J., Gillath, O., & Miller, A. (2019) · PLoS ONE · doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0212186 · Cited by 34
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“In conclusion, it is well-known that socially painful life events can increase risk for several negative health outcomes, including anxiety disorders, depression, and certain somatic and physical health problems [64, 65].”
Background
When Tonight Is Not the Night: Sexual Rejection Behaviors and Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships
Kim, J. J., Muise, A., Sakaluk, J. K., Rosen, N. O., & Impett, E. A. (2020) · Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin · doi:10.1177/0146167220907469 · Cited by 34
“Rejection, particularly by a romantic partner, can be one of life’s most painful emotional experiences (M. R. Leary et al., 1998; Murray et al., 2006).”
Background
Implications of Reflected Appraisals of Interpersonal Insecurity for Suspicion and Power
Lemay, E. P., & Dudley, K. L. (2009) · Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin · doi:10.1177/0146167209348380 · Cited by 31
“Hurt feelings and anger are associated with perceived relational devaluation and betrayal of trust (Collins, 1996; Feeney, 2005; Fitness, 2001; Leary et al., 1998; Leary, Twenge, & Quinlivan, 2006; Mikulincer, 1998; Simpson, 1990).”
Background
Workplace Ostracism and Employee Reactions among University Teachers in Pakistan
Fatima, T., Bilal, A. R., & Imran, M. K. (2019) · The Qualitative Report · doi:10.46743/2160-3715/2019.4002 · Cited by 30
Cognitive Flexibility Matters: The Role of Multilevel Positive Affect and Cognitive Flexibility in Shaping Victims’ Cooperative and Uncooperative Behavioral Responses to Trust Violations
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“Whether through open hostility; repeated harassment; passive– aggressive behaviors, such as “stonewalling” or withdrawing support; or social aggression, such as gossiping or spreading rumors (e.g., Archer & Coyne, 2005; Kim et al., 2004; Leary et al., 1998), such responses from transgressors create a dilemma for victi…”
Background
Shame in Cyber Security: Effective Behavior Modification Tool or Counterproductive Foil?
Renaud, K., Searle, R., & Dupuis, M. (2021) · New Security Paradigms Workshop · doi:10.1145/3498891.3498896 · Cited by 31
“Indeed, prior study shows the nature of these events makes the memory open to recall as the resultant rumination makes it more resistant to decay [87].”
Background
Empathy as a predictor of high‐quality interpersonal apologies
Schumann, K., & Dragotta, A. (2021) · European Journal of Social Psychology · doi:10.1002/ejsp.2786 · Cited by 31
The Experience of Failed Humor: Implications for Interpersonal Affect Regulation
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“Autobiographical narratives are a useful tool for studying interpersonal phenomena such as failed humor that are difficult to recreate within the laboratory (Francis et al. 1999; Leary et al. 1998).”
BackgroundInfluential
Direct and displaced aggression after exclusion: role of gender differences
Rajchert, J. M., Konopka, K., Oręziak, H., & Dziechciarska, W. (2022) · The Journal of Social Psychology · doi:10.1080/00224545.2022.2042173 · Cited by 28
“Hurt was not included in any of the scales and was analyzed individually because of its special meaning in social exclusion studies (see, Leary et al., 1998).”
Background
Relational Messages, Perceptions of Hurt, and Biological Stress Reactions to a Disconfirming Interaction
Priem, J. S., McLaren, R. M., & Solomon, D. H. (2009) · Communication Research · doi:10.1177/0093650209351470 · Cited by 27
“…feeling hurt may alert someone to an unfavorable situation that is incongruent with the person’s interaction goals (see Abrams & Hogg, 1999; Afifi & Metts, 1998; Leary et al., 1998; McLaren & Solomon, 2008), leading to perceptions of harm, loss, or an inability to cope with the stressful situation.”
BackgroundMethodInfluential
Clarifying the Relationship Between Ostracism and Relational Devaluation
Gerber, J. P., & Wheeler, L. S. (2013) · The Journal of Social Psychology · doi:10.1080/00224545.2013.826619 · Cited by 27
Will my own perception be enough?
Wu, W., Wang, H. (., & Lu, L. (2018) · Chinese Management Studies · doi:10.1108/cms-04-2017-0109 · Cited by 30
Perceived Face Threat of Honest but Hurtful Evaluative Messages in Romantic Relationships
Zhang, S., & Stafford, L. (2008) · Western Journal of Communication · doi:10.1080/10570310701828628 · Cited by 26
“Specifically, as Leary et al. (1998) proposes that relational devaluation may be related to relational damage, we utilize their conceptualization and measurement of the relational consequences of hurtful events, including decreased trust, liking, and the weakening of the relationship.”
BackgroundMethodInfluential
Responses to Sexual Advances and Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships: Is Yes Good and No Bad?
Dobson, K., Zhu, J., Balzarini, R. N., & Campbell, L. (2020) · Social Psychological and Personality Science · doi:10.1177/1948550619888884 · Cited by 25
The relentless pursuit of acceptance and belonging
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Self-citation
“I know you're kidding”: Relationship closeness enhances positive perceptions of teasing
Gorman, G., & Jordan, C. H. (2015) · Personal Relationships · doi:10.1111/pere.12071 · Cited by 25
The Commitment‐Insurance System: Self‐Esteem and the Regulation of Connection in Close Relationships
(2008) · Advances in Experimental Social Psychology · doi:10.1016/s0065-2601(07)00001-9 · Cited by 25
The Self in Social Rejection
Pass, J. A., & Nooij, J. (2009) · doi:10.13140/rg.2.2.31965.12009 · Cited by 25
Development and validation of a new instrument to measure social pain
Stangier, U., Schüller, J. S., & Brähler, E. (2021) · Scientific Reports · doi:10.1038/s41598-021-87351-3 · Cited by 23
Perceived Sibling Use of Verbally Aggressive Messages Across the Lifespan
Myers, S. A., & Goodboy, A. K. (2006) · Communication Research Reports · doi:10.1080/17464090500535798 · Cited by 24
“Consequently, the use of hurtful messages affects relational quality (Vangelisti & Sprague, 1998 ), resulting in greater dislike, mistrust, and relational distancing (Leary, Springer, Negel, Ansell, & Evans, 1998 ; Vangelisti & Young, 2000 ).”
When Hurt Continues: Taking Conflict Personally Leads to Rumination, Residual Hurt and Negative Motivations Toward Someone Who Hurt Us
Miller, C. W., & Roloff, M. E. (2014) · Communication Quarterly · doi:10.1080/01463373.2014.890118 · Cited by 24
“As discussed previously, victims of hurtful messages often feel that they are devalued in the eyes of offenders and may feel that their relationships with offenders are threatened (e.g., Feeney, 2005; Leary & Leder, 2009; Leary & Springer, 2001; Leary et al., 1998; Shaver et al., 2009).”
BackgroundResult
Hurtful Episodes in Parent–Adolescent Relationships: How Accounts and Attributions Contribute to the Difficulty of Talking about Hurt
McLaren, R. M., & SILLARS, A. L. (2014) · Communication Monographs · doi:10.1080/03637751.2014.933244 · Cited by 24
“Consistent with a self-serving bias, we expect victims to view hurtful events as more intentional than perpetrators (H6), as in some previous studies (e.g., Leary et al., 1998).”
BackgroundResult
Pacifists and Revenge-Seekers in Response to Unambiguous Peer Provocation
McDonald, K. L., & Asher, S. R. (2018) · Journal of Youth and Adolescence · doi:10.1007/s10964-017-0767-4 · Cited by 24
“Based on prior research linking anger and hurt feelings with retaliatory responses (Leary et al., 1998), McDonald and Asher Page 16”
Background
Third-party punishment following observed social rejection.
Dimitroff, S. J., Harrod, E. G., Smith, K. E., Faig, K. E., Decety, J., & Norman, G. J. (2019) · Emotion · doi:10.1037/emo0000607 · Cited by 23
Not Simply “In Their Heads”: Individual Differences Associated With Victimization and Health1
Knack, J. M., Iyer, P. A., & Jensen‐Campbell, L. A. (2012) · Journal of Applied Social Psychology · doi:10.1111/j.1559-1816.2012.00898.x · Cited by 24
“The degree to which a person’s feelings are hurt correlates with the degree to which he or she feels rejected by another person (Leary et al., 1998).”
Background
The role of gender and safety concerns in romantic rejection decisions
Freedman, G., Hales, A. H., Powell, D. N., Le, B., & Williams, K. D. (2022) · Journal of Experimental Social Psychology · doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2022.104368 · Cited by 32
College Students' Revenge Goals Across Friend, Romantic Partner, and Roommate Contexts: The Role of Interpretations and Emotions
McDonald, K. L., & Asher, S. R. (2012) · Social Development · doi:10.1111/j.1467-9507.2011.00650.x · Cited by 32
“Hurt feelings can stem from rejection or other forms of harm that threaten positive self-views (Feeney, 2004; Leary et al., 1998).”
Background
Research in Clinical Psychology: Social Exclusion and Psychological Disorders
Fung, K., Xu, C., Glazier, B. L., Parsons, C. A., & Alden, L. E. (2016) · Springer eBooks · doi:10.1007/978-3-319-33033-4_8 · Cited by 23
Effects of Big Five Personality Traits and Fear of Negative Evaluation on Foreign Language Anxiety/Utjecaj pet velikih osobina i straha od negativne evaluacije na anksioznost pri učenju stranog jezika
Šafranj, J., & Zivlak, J. (2019) · Croatian Journal of Education - Hrvatski časopis za odgoj i obrazovanje · doi:10.15516/cje.v21i1.2942 · Cited by 23
“According to previous research, the participants were found to be less anxious when they were less afraid of negative evaluation (Leary et al., 1998; Schlenker & Leary, 1982).”
Method
Effects of relational transgressions on idealization of and disillusionment with one's romantic partner: A three‐wave longitudinal study
Niehuis, S., Reifman, A. S., & Oldham, C. R. (2019) · Personal Relationships · doi:10.1111/pere.12287 · Cited by 22
Dehumanization: Beyond the Intergroup to the Interpersonal
Karantzas, G. C., Simpson, J. A., & Haslam, N. (2023) · Current Directions in Psychological Science · doi:10.1177/09637214231204196 · Cited by 22
“Conditional regard (Leary et al., 1998) is another form of denying human nature in which a partner is exploited (by taking the partner for granted or treating them as simply a means to an end; Haslam, 2006).”
Background
Inequity in Forgiveness: Implications for Personal and Relational Well-Being
Paleari, F. G., Regalia, C., & Fincham, F. D. (2011) · Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology · doi:10.1521/jscp.2011.30.3.297 · Cited by 23
Coping with social wounds: How social pain and social anxiety influence access to social rewards
Hudd, T., & Moscovitch, D. A. (2020) · Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry · doi:10.1016/j.jbtep.2020.101572 · Cited by 24
Relational Communication and Understanding in Conversations About Hurtful Events Between Parents and Adolescents
McLaren, R. M., & Pederson, J. (2014) · Journal of Communication · doi:10.1111/jcom.12072 · Cited by 22
Evolutionary Perspectives on Interpersonal Acceptance and Rejection
Leary, M. R., & Cottrell, C. A. (2013) · The Oxford Handbook of Social Exclusion · doi:10.1093/oxfordhb/9780195398700.013.0002 · Cited by 22
Self-citation
Development and validation of the responses to sexual rejection scale
Kim, J. J., Horne, R. M., Muise, A., & Impett, E. A. (2019) · Personality and Individual Differences · doi:10.1016/j.paid.2019.02.039 · Cited by 24
Surprise, Hurt, and Anger as Emotional Responses to Expectancy Violations Following Feedback Messages
Bennett, L. K., Scruggs, X., & Woods, J. M. (2020) · Communication Research Reports · doi:10.1080/08824096.2020.1737000 · Cited by 21
“Because hurt is a social emotion (Leary et al., 1998) recipients may perceive providers as intentionally committing emotional harm, which can inflict pain on the relationship.”
Background
A communal approach to sexual need responsiveness in romantic relationships
Impett, E. A., Kim, J. J., & Muise, A. (2020) · European Review of Social Psychology · doi:10.1080/10463283.2020.1796079 · Cited by 27
“People report that rejection by a romantic partner is one of life’s most painful experiences (Leary et al., 1998), and the more an individual feels valued by and close to a person who rejects them, the more the rejection tends to hurt (Leary, 2001).”
Background
Emotional reactions to threats to acceptance and belonging: a retrospective look at the big picture
Leary, M. R. (2021) · Australian Journal of Psychology · doi:10.1080/00049530.2021.1883410 · Cited by 34
Self-citation
Caught in the rejection–abuse cycle: are we really treating perpetrators of domestic abuse effectively?
Brown, J., James, K., & Taylor, A. (2010) · Journal of Family Therapy · doi:10.1111/j.1467-6427.2010.00494.x · Cited by 25
Owning Your Emotions: Reactions to Expressions of Self- versus Other-Attributed Positive and Negative Emotions
Bippus, A. M., & Young, S. L. (2005) · Journal of Applied Communication Research · doi:10.1080/0090988042000318503 · Cited by 20
“Martin and Martin’s (1997) book is aimed at creating positive communication in relationships.”
BackgroundInfluential
When the Truth Hurts: Deception in the Name of Kindness
DePaulo, B. M., Morris, W. L., & Sternglanz, R. W. (2009) · Cambridge University Press eBooks · doi:10.1017/cbo9780511770548.010 · Cited by 19
Psychological pain in depressive disorder: A concept analysis
Chen, S., Cheng, Y., Zhao, W., & Zhang, Y. (2022) · Journal of Clinical Nursing · doi:10.1111/jocn.16543 · Cited by 19
Using Appraisal Theory to Predict Emotional and Coping Responses to Hurtful Messages
Bippus, A. M., & Young, S. L. (2012) · Interpersona An International Journal on Personal Relationships · doi:10.5964/ijpr.v6i2.99 · Cited by 19
“In line with the work of Leary et al. (1998), this finding suggest that an appraisal of risk to one’s conception of the relationship with the speaker and/or one’s value as a relational partner tends to elicit more active, emotion-focused attempts to cope.”
Result
The experience of anger and sadness in response to hurtful behavior: Effects of gender-pairing and national culture
Li, Y., Ashkanasy, N. M., & Mehmood, K. (2016) · Asia Pacific Journal of Management · doi:10.1007/s10490-016-9493-9 · Cited by 19
Hurtful Cyber-Teasing and Violence
Madlock, P. E., & Westerman, D. (2011) · Journal of Interpersonal Violence · doi:10.1177/0886260511403749 · Cited by 19
“Prior research examining the long-term consequences of face-to-face hurtful teasing indicates that targets tend to experience increased loneliness and low relational satisfaction (Leary, Springer, Negel, Ansell, & Evans, 1998).”
Background
Ghosting: A Common but Unpopular Rejection Strategy
Freedman, G., & Powell, D. N. (2024) · Social and Personality Psychology Compass · doi:10.1111/spc3.70026 · Cited by 20
Thinking the Unthinkable: Cognitive Appraisals and Hurt Feelings
Fitness, J., & Warburton, W. (2009) · Cambridge University Press eBooks · doi:10.1017/cbo9780511770548.004 · Cited by 18
Severity of Victimization and Co-Occurring Mental Health Disorders Among Substance Using Adolescents
Sabri, B. (2011) · Child & Youth Care Forum · doi:10.1007/s10566-011-9151-9 · Cited by 23
“A betrayal of trust by an emotionally close perpetrator may result in hurtful emotions and internalizing consequences (Leary et al. 1998; Trembley et al. 1999).”
Roles of Social Pain and Defense Mechanisms in Response to Social Exclusion: Reply to Panksepp (2005) and Corr (2005).
MacDonald, G., & Leary, M. R. (2005) · Psychological Bulletin · doi:10.1037/0033-2909.131.2.237 · Cited by 18
Self-citation
Betrayal intention in exporter-importer working relationships: Drivers, outcomes, and moderating effects
Leonidou, L. C., Aykol, B., Fotiadis, T. A., & Christodoulides, P. (2017) · International Business Review · doi:10.1016/j.ibusrev.2017.07.005 · Cited by 18
The Emotional, Behavioral, and Cognitive Experience of Boundary Turbulence
Aloia, L. S. (2018) · Communication Studies · doi:10.1080/10510974.2018.1426617 · Cited by 18
“Poor management of private information or ineffective boundary coordination can also cause an individual to feel relationally devalued or rejected (Leary et al., 1998).”
Background

Authors: Leary, M. R., Springer, C., Negel, L., Ansell, E., & Evans, K.
Affiliations: Wake Forest University (US)
University of Memphis (US)
ORCID: Leary, Mark R.
Ansell, Emily
Venue: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
Publisher: American Psychological Association (APA)
Published: 1998-05
Volume: 74
Issue: 5
Pages: 1225-1237
ISSN: 0022-3514 (ISSN-L)
1939-1315
DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.74.5.1225
OpenAlex: W2076067670
Cited by: 485
References: 29
Citations by year: 2026: 35 · 2025: 17 · 2024: 11 · 2023: 15 · 2022: 14 · 2021: 29 · 2020: 18 · 2019: 20 · 2018: 20 · 2017: 13 · 2016: 21 · 2015: 14 · 2014: 25 · 2013: 20 · 2012: 21
FWCI: 7.67
Type: journal article
Language: en
Open access: closed
Locations: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (publishedVersion)
Topics: Social Sciences › Psychology › Social Psychology › Emotions and Moral Behavior
Social Sciences › Psychology › Social Psychology › Death Anxiety and Social Exclusion
Social Sciences › Psychology › Social Psychology › Forgiveness and Related Behaviors
Keywords: hurt feelings, emotional pain, interpersonal conflict, social rejection

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