The evolution of social attractiveness and its role in shame, humiliation, guilt and therapy
Abstract
This paper suggests that humans have innate needs to be seen as attractive to others. These needs form the basis for shame and mediate evaluations of social standing (status), social acceptance and social bonds. Shame and humiliation are associated with attacks on, and losses of, social attractiveness. The internal experiences of shame are derived from submissive strategies where one seeks to signal to others awareness of loss of social standing and limit possible damage. However, it is suggested that shame and humiliation differ from each other in a number of ways. For example, in shame the focus is on the self, while in humiliation the focus is on the harm done by others. Variations in the defensive strategies of shame and humiliation (e.g. avoidance, escape versus aggression and revenge) can pose particularly difficult problems in therapy. A focus on the role of social attractiveness in shame also allows for important distinctions to be drawn between shame and guilt.
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Shame is theorized to have evolved to prevent humans from behaving in ways that have a high negative social cost and could result in social devaluation by others and loss of social rank.
“Shame is theorized to have evolved to prevent humans from behaving in ways that have a high negative social cost and could result in social devaluation by others and loss of social rank (e.g., cheating, stealing) (89, 90).”
Shame is signalled to us through experiences of being disgraced, devalued, demoted, dishonored, degraded, discredited, humiliated, ridiculed, shunned, ostracized, or scorned, and involves the feeling that there is something flawed, bad or worthless about us.
“Experiences of being “disgraced, devalued, demoted, dishonored, degraded, discredited, humiliated, ridiculed, shunned, ostracized, or scorned” (Gilbert, 1997, p. 113) are signalled to us through the emotion of shame; the feeling there is something flawed, bad or worthless about us (Gilbert, 1989).”
From Is Shame Hallucinogenic? (2017) · cites this paper as Gilbert, 1997
Shame itself is a complex mix of cognition and affect.
“Furthermore, not only is shame itself a complex mix of cognition and affect (Gilbert, 1997)”
From Is Shame Hallucinogenic? (2017) · cites this paper as Gilbert, 1997
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“The social self reflects one’s social value, esteem, and status and is largely based on others’ perceptions of one’s worth (de Waal, 1989; Gilbert, 1997).”
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“Compassionate mind training (CMT) evolved from working with high shame and selfcritical people (Gilbert, 1992, 1997, 2000; Gilbert & Irons, 2005).”
BackgroundMethodInfluentialSelf-citationTARGET ARTICLE: "Putting the Self Into Self-Conscious Emotions: A Theoretical Model"
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“Others have emphasized that humiliation cannot occur in absence of a humiliating other; that, unlike shame, it is dependent on a dyadic relationship (e.g., Gilbert, 1997; Miller, 1988).”
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“In accordance with Gilbert’s theory (Gilbert 1997; Gilbert and Andrews 1998), external shame, is also assumed to be part of the shame-ridden individual and related to the affective and behavioral components of shame.”
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“Consistent with this logic, researchers have argued that displaying shame indirectly promotes fitness by allowing for the formation of cooperative social ties that provide protection and allow for the sharing of resources (Barkow, 1989; Baumeister & Leary, 1995; Gilbert, 1997).”
The Shame of It All: A Review of Shame in Organizational Life
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“Shame is ‘‘one of the most powerful, painful, and potentially destructive experiences known to humans’’ (Gilbert, 1997, p. 113).”
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“Studies show that socially attractive people are more likely to be valued as partners, friends, or allies (Gilbert 1997) and are less likely to be victimized (Furr and Funder 1999, Parker and Asher 1987).”
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“Similarly, Gilbert (1997) suggests that feelings of shame characterize a sense of being dominated or defeated.”
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“Although humans fully retain and exploit phylogenetically ancient adaptations for aggression and dominance [including systems for threat, fighting, display, and assessment (8, 10–12)]— as seen in groups of children, adolescents, and adults (13–16)— human evolution was distinctive in the greatly expanded role that mutu…”
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“For example, it is theorised that victims of humiliation suffer damage to their identity and sense of self (e.g. Klein, 1991; Statman, 2000), yet other theoretical literature on humiliation concludes that humiliation does not involve an internal sense of inferiority (Gilbert, 1997).”
BackgroundInfluentialSocial rank, shame and anger in primary and secondary psychopaths
Morrison, D., & Gilbert, P. (2001) · Journal of Forensic Psychiatry · doi:10.1080/09585180110056867 · Cited by 92 · see citing works
“It may well be that both primary and secondary psychopaths have an inner sense of shame such that ‘there is a feeling that, in truth, there is something awed, bad or worthless about oneself’ (Gilbert, 1997).”
BackgroundInfluentialSelf-citationHumiliation, self-esteem and violence
Walker, J., & Knauer, V. (2011) · Journal of Forensic Psychiatry & Psychology · doi:10.1080/14789949.2011.617542 · Cited by 92 · see citing works
“…perspective, anger and aggression can be viewed as a defence against feelings of shame and humiliation, since they signal power and dominance and move the individual up the social hierarchy (Gilbert, 1997; Gilbert & McGuire, 1998), restoring any damage created by the humiliation experience.”
BackgroundShame and guilt: A hundred years of apples and oranges
Elison, J. (2005) · New Ideas in Psychology · doi:10.1016/j.newideapsych.2005.07.001 · Cited by 91 · see citing works
“In the model being proposed, shame is conceptualized as an affect (i.e., basic emotion; Gilbert, 1997; Izard, 1971; Tomkins, 1963) evolved by social selection (Gilbert & McGuire, 1998; Parker, 1998) and elicited by perceived devaluation (Frijda, 1993; Gilbert, 1997).”
BackgroundToward a psychology of humiliation in asymmetric conflict.
McCauley, C. R. (2017) · American Psychologist · doi:10.1037/amp0000063 · Cited by 89 · see citing works
“Ginges and Atran (2008) have polled Palestinians about experiences of humiliation and found that “people stand in line at checkpoints” led the list as most humiliating (p.”
BackgroundInfluentialDaye, C. A., Webb, J. B., & Jafari, N. (2014) · Body Image · doi:10.1016/j.bodyim.2014.08.001 · Cited by 88 · see citing works
Doern, R., & Goss, D. M. (2013) · Entrepreneurship Theory and Practice · doi:10.1111/etap.12026 · Cited by 87 · see citing works
Conceptualizing Empathy in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy: Making the Implicit Explicit
Thwaites, R., & Bennett–Levy, J. (2007) · Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy · doi:10.1017/s1352465807003785 · Cited by 86 · see citing works
“As various authors have noted (Gilbert, 1997; Wispé, 1986), skills in empathic attunement and empathic communication do not necessarily lead to caring or a therapeutic act.”
Reassessing the dimensionality of the moral emotions
Harris, N. (2003) · British Journal of Psychology · doi:10.1348/000712603322503033 · Cited by 85 · see citing works
“A similar distinction between shame and guilt is evident in evolutionary approaches (Gilbert, 1997), which argue that shame is based upon a need to be attractive to others (a determinant of social status), whereas guilt is based upon an empathic desire to look after others.”
BackgroundShame and Humiliation: From Isolation to Relational Transformation
Hartling, L. M., Rosen, W., Walker, M., et al. (2000) · Cited by 81 · see citing works
Duarte, C., Ferreira, C., & Pinto‐Gouveia, J. (2016) · Comprehensive Psychiatry · doi:10.1016/j.comppsych.2016.01.003 · Cited by 78 · see citing works
“Indeed, shame is conceptualized as a selfconscious and socially-focused emotion derived from perceptions of being perceived as flawed, inadequate or defective [18,26–28].”
BackgroundGeneral shame and Bodily Shame in Eating Disorders: A 2.5‐Year Longitudinal Study
Troop, N. A., & Redshaw, C. (2012) · European Eating Disorders Review · doi:10.1002/erv.2160 · Cited by 80 · see citing works
The true trigger of shame: social devaluation is sufficient, wrongdoing is unnecessary
Robertson, T. E., Sznycer, D., Delton, A. W., Tooby, J., & Cosmides, L. (2018) · Evolution and Human Behavior · doi:10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2018.05.010 · Cited by 77 · see citing works
“…et al., 2012, 2016, under review; Sznycer, Schniter, Tooby, & Cosmides, 2015; Sznycer, Cosmides, & Tooby, 2017; Tooby & Cosmides, 2008; see also Gilbert, 1997, 1998; Fessler, 1999, 2007; Schlenker & Leary, 1982), shame will be activated in a person's mind when others learn (or might learn)…”
Neural computations underpinning the strategic management of influence in advice giving
Hertz, U., Palminteri, S., Brunetti, S., Olesen, C., Frith, C. D., & Bahrami, B. (2017) · Nature Communications · doi:10.1038/s41467-017-02314-5 · Cited by 77 · see citing works
Adolescent Hierarchy Formation and the Social Competition Theory of Depression
Fournier, M. A. (2009) · Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology · doi:10.1521/jscp.2009.28.9.1144 · Cited by 76 · see citing works
The social side of shame: approach versus withdrawal
de Hooge, I. E., Breugelmans, S. M., Wagemans, F. M. A., et al. (2018) · Cognition & Emotion · doi:10.1080/02699931.2017.1422696 · Cited by 74 · see citing works
“Various researchers have suggested that appeasement may be a central function of shame (e.g. Fessler, 1999; Gausel & Leach, 2011; Gilbert, 1997), motivating Note: Withdrawal/approach choice reflects the percentage of respondents who chose the together task.”
BackgroundInfluentialHard-to-Reach Youth Online: Methodological Advances in Self-Harm Research
McDermott, E., Roen, K., & Piela, A. (2013) · Sexuality Research and Social Policy · doi:10.1007/s13178-012-0108-z · Cited by 73 · see citing works
Affective Dimensions of Intergroup Humiliation
Leidner, B., Sheikh, H., & Ginges, J. (2012) · PLoS ONE · doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0046375 · Cited by 75 · see citing works
“In the sense that humiliation involves feelings of rage in response to the unjust actions of others [20,44], it appears similar to anger.”
BackgroundChronic depression: Interpersonal sources, therapeutic solutions.
Pettit, J. W., & Joiner, T. E. (2006) · American Psychological Association eBooks · doi:10.1037/11291-000 · Cited by 70 · see citing works
Shame as a social phenomenon: A critical analysis of the concept of dispositional shame
Leeming, D., & Boyle, M. (2004) · Psychology and Psychotherapy Theory Research and Practice · doi:10.1348/1476083041839312 · Cited by 73 · see citing works
- Authors
- Gilbert, P.
- Affiliations
- University of Derby (GB)
- Corresponding author
- Gilbert, Paul
- ORCID
- Gilbert, Paul
- Venue
- British Journal of Medical Psychology
- Publisher
- Wiley
- Published
- 1997-06
- Volume
- 70
- Issue
- 2
- Pages
- 113-147
- ISSN
- 0007-1129 (ISSN-L)
- OpenAlex
- W1981058655
- Cited by
- 539
- References
- 0
- Citations by year
- 2026: 41 · 2025: 20 · 2024: 23 · 2023: 29 · 2022: 23 · 2021: 29 · 2020: 21 · 2019: 29 · 2018: 30 · 2017: 26 · 2016: 26 · 2015: 22 · 2014: 30 · 2013: 18 · 2012: 27
- FWCI
- 9.25
- Type
- journal article
- Language
- en
- Open access
- closed
- Locations
- British Journal of Medical Psychology (publishedVersion)
- PubMed (publishedVersion)
- Topics
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Social Psychology › Emotions and Moral Behavior
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Clinical Psychology › Psychoanalysis and Psychopathology Research
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Social Psychology › Forgiveness and Related Behaviors
- Keywords
- social attractiveness, shame, humiliation, guilt, social status, social acceptance, social bonds, defense strategy, avoidance, psychotherapy, evolutionary psychology of emotion
- MeSH terms
- Attention, Mental Disorders, Guilt, Humans, Psychological Theory, Shame, Social Desirability
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