‘I never realised everybody felt as happy as I do when I am around autistic people’: a thematic analysis of autistic adults’ relationships with autistic and neurotypical friends and family
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Abstract
Many autistic people are motivated to have friends, relationships and close family bonds, despite the clinical characterisation of autism as a condition negatively affecting social interaction. Many first-hand accounts of autistic people describe feelings of comfort and ease specifically with other autistic people. This qualitative research explored and contrasted autistic experiences of spending social time with neurotypical and autistic friends and family. In total, 12 autistic adults (10 females, aged 21–51) completed semi-structured interviews focused on time spent with friends and family; positive and negative aspects of time spent with neurotypical and autistic friends and family; and feelings during and after spending time together. Three themes were identified: cross-neurotype understanding, minority status and belonging. Investigation of these themes reveals the benefits of autistic people creating and maintaining social relationships with other autistic people, in a more systematic way than previous individual reports. They highlight the need for autistic-led social opportunities and indicate benefits of informal peer support for autistic adults. Lay abstract Although autistic people may struggle to interact with others, many autistic people have said they find interacting with other autistic people more comfortable. To find out whether this was a common experience, we did hour-long interviews with 12 autistic adults. We asked them questions about how it feels when spending time with their friends and family, and whether it felt different depending on whether the friends and family were autistic or neurotypical. We analysed the interviews and found three common themes in what our participants said. First, they found spending with other autistic people easier and more comfortable than spending time with neurotypical people, and felt they were better understood by other autistic people. Second, autistic people often felt they were in a social minority, and in order to spend time with neurotypical friends and family, they had to conform with what the neurotypical people wanted and were used to. Third, autistic people felt like they belonged with other autistic people and that they could be themselves around them. These findings show that having time with autistic friends and family can be very beneficial for autistic people and played an important role in a happy social life.
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Even Autistic people who lack fluency in neurotypical social skills can engage in successful interactions and form meaningful, reciprocal social bonds with others on and off the spectrum.
“It is imperative to keep in mind that even Autistic people who lack fluency in “neurotypical” social skills can engage in successful interactions and form meaningful, reciprocal social bonds with others on and off the spectrum (Chen et al., 2021; Crompton et al., 2020; Davis & Crompton, 2021; Heasman & Gillespie, 2019).”
From Neurodiversity and Autism Intervention: Reconciling Perspectives Through a Naturalistic Developmental Behavioral Intervention Framework (2022) · cites this paper as Crompton et al., 2020
Communication differences between autistic and non-autistic people are reciprocal, emerging through mismatches in how meaning is expressed and understood.
“The double empathy problem further highlights that communication differences between autistic and non-autistic people are reciprocal, emerging through mismatches in how meaning is expressed and understood (Milton, 2012; Crompton et al., 2020; Davis and Crompton, 2021)”
From The system-level organisational design framework: a neuro-cognitive trait interaction approach to workplace inclusion for autistic people (2026) · cites this paper as Crompton et al., 2020
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McAuliffe, C., Walsh, R. J., & Cage, E. (2022) · Autism in Adulthood · doi:10.1089/aut.2021.0074 · Cited by 40 · see citing works
Autistic People's Experience of Empathy and the Autistic Empathy Deficit Narrative
Kimber, L., Verrier, D. B., & Connolly, S. (2023) · Autism in Adulthood · doi:10.1089/aut.2023.0001 · Cited by 38 · see citing works
Information transfer within and between autistic and non-autistic people
Crompton, C. J., Foster, S. J., Wilks, C. E. H., Dodd, M., Efthimiou, T. N., Ropar, D., Sasson, N. J., Lages, M., & Fletcher‐Watson, S. (2025) · Nature Human Behaviour · doi:10.1038/s41562-025-02163-z · Cited by 40 · see citing works
Self-citationWatts, G., Crompton, C. J., Grainger, C., Long, J., Botha, M., Somerville, M., & Cage, E. (2024) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613241255811 · Cited by 36 · see citing works
Self-citationA Reflective Analysis on Neurodiversity and Student Wellbeing
Spaeth, E., & Pearson, A. (2023) · Journal of Perspectives in Applied Academic Practice · doi:10.56433/jpaap.v11i2.517 · Cited by 36 · see citing works
Towards autistic flow theory: A non‐pathologising conceptual approach
Heasman, B., Williams, G., Charura, D., Hamilton, L., Milton, D. E. M., & Murray, F. (2024) · Journal for the Theory of Social Behaviour · doi:10.1111/jtsb.12427 · Cited by 39 · see citing works
Chapple, M., Davis, P. M., Billington, J., Myrick, J. A., Ruddock, C., & Corcoran, R. (2021) · Frontiers in Psychology · doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.708375 · Cited by 36 · see citing works
Pavlopoulou, G., Usher, C., & Pearson, A. (2022) · British Journal of Developmental Psychology · doi:10.1111/bjdp.12424 · Cited by 41 · see citing works
Development of stigma-related support for autistic adults: Insights from the autism community
Han, E. K. L., Scior, K., Heath, E., Umagami, K., & Crane, L. (2023) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613221143590 · Cited by 42 · see citing works
Szechy, K. A., Turk, P. D., & O’Donnell, L. A. (2023) · Autism in Adulthood · doi:10.1089/aut.2023.0046 · Cited by 34 · see citing works
Jones, D. R., Morrison, K. E., DeBrabander, K. M., Ackerman, R. A., Pinkham, A. E., & Sasson, N. J. (2021) · Frontiers in Psychology · doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.739147 · Cited by 34 · see citing works
Wilson, R. B., Thompson, A. R., Rowse, G., & Freeth, M. (2023) · Research in Autism · doi:10.1016/j.rasd.2023.102135 · Cited by 33 · see citing works
Promotion of Communication Access, Choice, and Agency for Autistic Students
Donaldson, A. L., corbin, E., Zisk, A. H., & Eddy, B. S. (2022) · Language Speech and Hearing Services in Schools · doi:10.1044/2022_lshss-22-00031 · Cited by 36 · see citing works
Nimbley, E., Gillespie‐Smith, K., Duffy, F., Maloney, E., Ballantyne, C. J., & Sharpe, H. (2023) · Journal of Eating Disorders · doi:10.1186/s40337-023-00813-z · Cited by 33 · see citing works
Social motor synchrony in autism spectrum conditions: A systematic review
Glass, D., & Yuill, N. (2023) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613231213295 · Cited by 34 · see citing works
What’s in a name? The costs and benefits of a formal autism diagnosis
Fletcher‐Watson, S. (2023) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613231213300 · Cited by 32 · see citing works
Self-citationWoods, S. E. O., & Estes, A. M. (2023) · Frontiers in Psychiatry · doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1264516 · Cited by 34 · see citing works
Ferenc, K., Płatos, M., Byrka, K., & Król, M. E. (2022) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613221135818 · Cited by 31 · see citing works
Williams, G. (2021) · Journal of Pragmatics · doi:10.1016/j.pragma.2021.04.032 · Cited by 23 · see citing works
Autistic identity, culture, community, and space for well-being
Farahar, C. (2022) · Routledge eBooks · doi:10.4324/9781003056577-23 · Cited by 27 · see citing works
Peachey, M., & Crane, L. (2024) · Autism in Adulthood · doi:10.1089/aut.2023.0071 · Cited by 26 · see citing works
Dark, J. (2024) · Frontiers in Psychology · doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1326536 · Cited by 26 · see citing works
A systematic review of autistic children’s prosocial behaviour
Ryan-Enright, T., O’Connor, R., Bramham, J., & Taylor, L. K. (2022) · Research in Autism · doi:10.1016/j.rasd.2022.102023 · Cited by 27 · see citing works
Mcpeake, E., Lamore, K., Boujut, É., Khoury, J. E., Pellenq, C., Plumet, M., & Cappe, É. (2023) · Research in Autism · doi:10.1016/j.rasd.2023.102172 · Cited by 26 · see citing works
Social self-efficacy and mental well-being in autistic adults: Exploring the role of social identity
Camus, L., Rajendran, G., & Stewart, M. (2023) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613231195799 · Cited by 28 · see citing works
Friedman, A., Paltoglou, A. E., & Sorte, R. (2024) · Neurodiversity · doi:10.1177/27546330241307828 · Cited by 24 · see citing works
Wigham, S., Ingham, B., Couteur, A. S. L., Wilson, C., Ensum, I., & Parr, J. R. (2022) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613221097502 · Cited by 25 · see citing works
Understanding Autistic Adults' Use of Social Media
van Driel, M., Vines, J., Pena, B. B., & Koteyko, N. (2023) · Proceedings of the ACM on Human-Computer Interaction · doi:10.1145/3610048 · Cited by 23 · see citing works
O'Connor, R. A. G., Doherty, M., Ryan-Enright, T., & Gaynor, K. (2023) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613231215026 · Cited by 21 · see citing works
Schuck, R. K., & Fung, L. K. (2024) · Frontiers in Psychiatry · doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1250895 · Cited by 21 · see citing works
McNaughton, K. A., Moss, A., Yarger, H. A., & Redcay, E. (2024) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613241238269 · Cited by 22 · see citing works
Rapport in same and mixed neurotype groups of autistic and non-autistic adults
Foster, S. J., Ackerman, R. A., Wilks, C. E. H., Dodd, M., Calderon, R. M., Ropar, D., Fletcher‐Watson, S., Crompton, C. J., & Sasson, N. J. (2025) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613251320444 · Cited by 21 · see citing works
Self-citationThe Kind of Friend I Think I Am: Perceptions of Autistic and Non-autistic Young Adults
Finke, E. H. (2022) · Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders · doi:10.1007/s10803-022-05573-4 · Cited by 23 · see citing works
Heyworth, M., Brett, S., den Houting, J., Magiati, I., Steward, R., Urbanowicz, A., Stears, M., & Pellicano, E. (2022) · Autism in Adulthood · doi:10.1089/aut.2021.0097 · Cited by 21 · see citing works
Lilley, R., Lawson, W. B., Hall, G., Mahony, J., Clapham, H., Heyworth, M., Arnold, S. R. C., Trollor, J. N., Yudell, M., & Pellicano, E. (2022) · Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders · doi:10.1007/s10803-022-05667-z · Cited by 23 · see citing works
Glass, D., & Yuill, N. (2023) · Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders · doi:10.1007/s10803-023-05917-8 · Cited by 23 · see citing works
Diversity in Autistic Play: Autistic Adults' Experiences
Pritchard-Rowe, E., de Lemos, C., Howard, K., & Gibson, J. L. (2023) · Autism in Adulthood · doi:10.1089/aut.2023.0008 · Cited by 21 · see citing works
Marocchini, E., & Baldin, I. (2024) · International Journal of Language & Communication Disorders · doi:10.1111/1460-6984.13095 · Cited by 23 · see citing works
Toward feeling, understanding, and caring: The development of empathy in young autistic children
Li, B., Blijd-Hoogewys, E. M. A., Stockmann, L., Vergari, I., & Rieffe, C. J. (2022) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613221117955 · Cited by 24 · see citing works
Access Points: Understanding Special Interests Through Autistic Narratives
Long, R.-E. M. (2024) · Autism in Adulthood · doi:10.1089/aut.2023.0157 · Cited by 19 · see citing works
Loo, B. R. Y., Teo, T. J. Y., Liang, M. J., Leong, D.-J., Tan, D. W., Zhuang, S., Hull, L., Livingston, L. A., Mandy, W., Happe, F. G. E., et al. (2023) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613231180075 · Cited by 19 · see citing works
“I have to charge my social battery”: Perspectives from autistic young adults on Quality of Life
Øverland, E., Hauge, Å. L., Orm, S., Øie, M. G., Skogli, E. W., Pellicano, E., & Andersen, P. N. (2024) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613241245578 · Cited by 18 · see citing works
Camouflaging Autism in Pursuit of Friendship and Intimate Relationships: A Systematic Review
Ridgway, K., Cooke, K., Demmer, D. H., Hooley, M., Westrupp, E. M., & Stokes, M. A. (2024) · Autism in Adulthood · doi:10.1089/aut.2023.0160 · Cited by 18 · see citing works
Autistic-Delivered Peer Support: A Feasibility Study
Shea, L., Wong, M.-Y., Song, W., Kaplan, K., Uppal, D., & Salzer, M. S. (2022) · Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders · doi:10.1007/s10803-022-05816-4 · Cited by 18 · see citing works
Watson, E. J., Fletcher‐Watson, S., & Kirkham, E. (2023) · BMC Medical Ethics · doi:10.1186/s12910-023-00961-6 · Cited by 18 · see citing works
Self-citationFinke, E. H., & Dunn, D. H. (2023) · Disability & Society · doi:10.1080/09687599.2023.2295802 · Cited by 18 · see citing works
Friendship interventions and measurements in children with ASD: A systematic review
Chang, Y., & Dean, M. (2022) · Research in Autism · doi:10.1016/j.rasd.2022.101947 · Cited by 17 · see citing works
Fotheringham, F., Cebula, K. R., Fletcher‐Watson, S., Foley, S., & Crompton, C. J. (2023) · Neurodiversity · doi:10.1177/27546330231205770 · Cited by 17 · see citing works
Self-citationDindar, K., Loukusa, S., Leinonen, E., Mäkinen, L., Mämmelä, L., Mattila, M., Ebeling, H. E., & Hurtig, T. M. (2022) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613221136003 · Cited by 18 · see citing works
Albaum, C. S., Sellitto, T., Vashi, N., Bohr, Y. M., & Weiss, J. A. (2023) · Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders · doi:10.1007/s10803-023-06083-7 · Cited by 16 · see citing works
Plank, I. S., Koehler, J. C., Bierlich, A. M., Koutsouleris, N., & Falter‐Wagner, C. M. (2023) · Frontiers in Psychiatry · doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1257569 · Cited by 16 · see citing works
Autistic Traits and Psychosocial Predictors of Depressive Symptoms
Camus, L., Jones, K., O’Dowd, E., Bonnie Auyeung, B., Rajendran, G., & Stewart, M. E. (2024) · Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders · doi:10.1007/s10803-024-06361-y · Cited by 17 · see citing works
Autism and Social Interaction: A Discursive Psychological Study
Henderson, G. (2021) · doi:10.26686/wgtn.15050349.v1 · Cited by 16 · see citing works
More than noise: Lived experiences of autistic people in real-life acoustic environments
Rosas-Pérez, C., Galbrun, L., Payne, S. R., Dickson, A., & Stewart, M. E. (2025) · Applied Acoustics · doi:10.1016/j.apacoust.2025.110581 · Cited by 19 · see citing works
Song, W., Salzer, M. S., Nonnemacher, S. L., Miller, K. H. K., & Shea, L. (2022) · Research in Developmental Disabilities · doi:10.1016/j.ridd.2022.104213 · Cited by 15 · see citing works
A critical hit: Dungeons and Dragons as a buff for autistic people
Atherton, G., Hathaway, R., Visuri, I., & Cross, L. (2024) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613241275260 · Cited by 16 · see citing works
Challenging Empathic Deficit Models of Autism Through Responses to Serious Literature
Chapple, M., Davis, P. M., Billington, J., Williams, S., & Corcoran, R. (2022) · Frontiers in Psychology · doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.828603 · Cited by 15 · see citing works
Speech-Language Pathologist's Role in Understanding and Promoting Self-Advocacy in Autistic Adults.
Santhanam, S., & Bellon-Harn, M. L. (2022) · American Journal of Speech-Language Pathology · doi:10.1044/2021_ajslp-21-00223 · Cited by 10 · see citing works
Game Changer: Exploring the Role of Board Games in the Lives of Autistic People
Cross, L., Belshaw, F., Piovesan, A., & Atherton, G. (2024) · Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders · doi:10.1007/s10803-024-06408-0 · Cited by 17 · see citing works
Social motor synchrony and interactive rapport in autistic, non-autistic, and mixed-neurotype dyads
Efthimiou, T. N., Wilks, C. E. H., Foster, S. J., Dodd, M., Sasson, N. J., Ropar, D., Lages, M., Fletcher‐Watson, S., & Crompton, C. J. (2025) · Autism · doi:10.1177/13623613251319585 · Cited by 14 · see citing works
Self-citationMerrington, H., Gibbs, V., Haas, K., Clark, T., Robinson, A., Ansari, M. A., & Pellicano, E. (2024) · Autism in Adulthood · doi:10.1089/aut.2023.0127 · Cited by 13 · see citing works
- Authors
- Crompton, C. J., Hallett, S., Ropar, D., Flynn, E., & Fletcher-Watson, S.
- Affiliations
- University of Edinburgh (GB)
- Autistic Mutual Aid Society Edinburgh, UK
- University of Nottingham (GB)
- Queen's University Belfast (GB)
- The University of Edinburgh, UK
- Corresponding author
- Crompton, Catherine J
- Venue
- Autism
- Publisher
- SAGE Publications
- Published
- 2020-03-07
- Volume
- 24
- Issue
- 6
- Pages
- 1438-1448
- ISSN
- 1362-3613 (ISSN-L)
- 1461-7005
- PMC
- PMC7376620
- OpenAlex
- W3009630179
- Cited by
- 351
- References
- 60
- Citations by year
- 2026: 54 · 2025: 74 · 2024: 78 · 2023: 56 · 2022: 57 · 2021: 27 · 2020: 5
- FWCI
- 19.35
- Type
- journal article
- Language
- en
- Open access
- hybrid
- doi.org
- Licence
- Locations
- Autism (publishedVersion, cc-by-nc)
- PubMed Central (publishedVersion, cc-by-nc)
- PubMed (publishedVersion)
- Repository@Nottingham (University of Nottingham) (acceptedVersion, other-oa)
- OSF Preprints (OSF Preprints) (acceptedVersion)
- Repository@Nottingham (University of Nottingham) (submittedVersion, cc-by-nc-nd)
- Edinburgh Research Explorer (University of Edinburgh) (submittedVersion, cc-by-nc)
- Research Portal (Queen's University Belfast) (submittedVersion, cc-by-nc)
- OSF Preprints (OSF Preprints) (submittedVersion, cc-by)
- Funders
- Templeton World Charity Foundation (TWCF0200)
- Topics
- Life Sciences › Neuroscience › Cognitive Neuroscience › Autism Spectrum Disorder Research
- Social Sciences › Psychology › Clinical Psychology › Family and Disability Support Research
- Social Sciences › Safety Research › Disability Rights and Representation
- Keywords
- autistic adults, interpersonal relationships, family relationships, minority status, sense of belonging, peer support, social interaction
- MeSH terms
- Autism Spectrum Disorder, Adult, Autistic Disorder, Emotions, Happiness, Humans, Friends
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Registry, retraction, Cites and statistics results are computed, not judged, with one exception: a printed reference that no index lists is read once by a model before it counts as a citation error. Claims are extracted by a model and kept only when their quote appears verbatim in the text; each cited source is then checked, with a model’s help, for whether it says what the claim relies on. Those verdicts can be wrong — read the claim’s quote and the cited source before relying on one.
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